I know that over the years I must have heard at least a hundred things that are supposed to taste like chicken. Rattlesnake, iguana, crocodile, possum, armadillo, you name it. It seems that if it has no identifiable and distinct taste of its own, the chicken gets blamed for it. Recently I heard about one that I think takes the cake.
I have been the proud owner of a Jack Russell terrier for over 14 years. And no, that’s not where this story is going. She has been a good and mostly lovable companion. In the last few years, she has begun to show her age, as I am. She developed diabetes, and as a result of cataracts that were formed by this terrible malady, she has become blind. I imagine some of you guys know what it’s like to try and control diabetes in a dog, there are the injections that you must give usually twice a day and dietary restraints, formulas and the like.
After 3 years, my little Jack has gone from one diet to another, not because I have changed her diet, but because she has. About 2 years ago, she quit eating any kind, and I do mean any kind, of dog food. She steadfastly refused it all. If I didn’t know better I would swear that she could actually read the can or bag that either the wet or dry dog food came in. If it had any reference to dog, that was it she wouldn’t eat it. Lord knows, I went through every dog food including prescription dog food; we tried dry food, wet food, veggie, natural fish, salmon, trout, buffalo, deer and elk. I was even going to try imported monkey. No, I’m just kidding. Needless to say, I tried everything that the stores and veterinarians had to offer.
Finally, a good friend of mine suggested that I boil chicken for her. I did, she ate it at first, but she began not eating the chicken. Out of desperation one evening, I put some barbeque sauce on her chicken, and she liked it. This pattern went on for a couple of months, before she began not eating that. Over the last year, I have created the most daring and maybe disgusting recipes for chicken you can imagine. Her favorite now is boiled chicken with small cubes of cheddar cheese and a dash of Catalina dressing, warmed in the microwave for 30 seconds.
I thought I had become very adept at boiling chicken. To wit, the other night I put on a pot of about 6 legs to boil, I fed her, gave her her injection and retired to my bedroom, going to sleep around 10 p.m. At 12.30 a.m. I had a dream that I tasted chicken. But it wasn’t right; in my dream the chicken tastes terrible. I tossed and turned dreaming of chicken, and in my dream I thought “my house tastes like chicken.” That woke me up, and I saw that my bedroom was full of smoke. As a matter of fact, my whole house was full of thick smoke. I grabbed my dog and ran out the front door as billows of smoke followed me.
Of course, I realized I had left the boiling chicken on the stove and had completely forgotten about it before going to sleep. I spent the next couple of hours opening windows and placing fans around the house. The smoke detectors were probably going off, but my old ears can’t hear them. After getting over being thoroughly disgusted with myself, I had to laugh. I have heard of a lot of things that taste like chicken, but a house was a new one to me.